Stella

Stella on her 90th birthday in February

I took Stella to see her GP on Tuesday afternoon. The weather had cleared and she was in quite good form. We had a good conversation with the GP about Stella's wishes for End of Life Care. We had had this conversation before but we were  just confirming that she wanted no further intervention, no blood transfusions, nothing but palliative and comfort care.

We drove home along a longer, but scenic route that she liked.

I went to work on Wednesday. The GP called in to see her on his way from Ballarat to Buninyong. Ross called in for his regular Wednesday afternoon cup of tea. Lindsey, Emily and the babies called in on Thursday morning and I visited as usual in the afternoon. She was in bed and very sleepy. Wendy came up as has been her habit on Friday and Ross also called in. Stella was by now on the palliative medications and mostly unconscious. Lindsey and I dropped by on our way home from work.

There was supposed to be a Family Lunch at the pub in Wallace on Saturday but it was clear that Stella did not have much time. We didn't want to get a call from the Care Home while we were half way through lunch, 30 minutes away, telling us to come quickly! So with reluctance we cancelled the lunch. Freyja and Simon, plus Matt and his family decided to come to Ballarat anyway.

You see reports in the media that So and So died peacefully, surrounded by their family. In Stella's case, this was true. Lindsey, Wendy, Freyja, Simon and I were there as she drew her last breath. Matt and his family arrived shortly after. Ian and Emily, who had been there in the morning came back when told the news. 

Lindsey and I organised things with the nurses and everyone (except Stella) went up to Hill House for cups of tea and glasses of something appropriate.

Stella had watched what we did for Jim last August with close interest. No funeral service, unaccompanied cremation, memorial party a bit later. She then said that she wanted exactly that when her time came. And that is what we are going to do - although we haven't decided when or where the memorial party will be. We have had contact with the funeral company who did Jim's cremation.  (I was a bit disconcerted, however, to get a phone call from the Care Home early on Saturday evening! What could they possibly have to tell me now? Ah - that the funeral people had come to collect her. Funny - they didn't call me when they came to collect Jim, although I suppose they did go to collect him at around 11 at night.)

Lindsey, Wendy and I have cleared Stella's room, aided by Josh who came after work in his ute yesterday and helped move the glass cabinet and bookcase that were in her room. They are  taking up space in Lindsey's piano room at the moment, although the bookcase will come down to my place. I am thinking of putting it in the wardrobe in the spare room to store small blankets.

Stella is reposing at the funeral parlour. Her room has been cleared. We have said goodbye to the Mount Clear Aged Care Facility. 

We watched it being built, before Jim got properly sick, and jokingly said that it would be perfect for  him when his time came. We weren't really being serious and I didn't anticipate how much I would be involved with it.  I certainly didn't anticipate Stella moving in there. 

It is an excellent Aged Care facility. They were fabulous with Jim and obviously really enjoyed Stella's presence. The rooms are lovely, the facility has lots of common spaces, large and small, the staff are delightful, the food is cooked on site and is both appetising and tasty. Jim was quite active in the facility, Stella less so but she did enjoy the dining room, the book club, the exercise classes and the visits from various members of staff who came to pass the time of day with her. She especially enjoyed the visiting dogs, not to mention the other animals that occasionally came in - rabbits, small lambs, even some bantam chickens.

I'm going to miss my visits there, after two years of regular engagement.

In her room, just after she moved in
to Mount Clear in June 2022